Conclave 2024: Actor Samantha says she was 'forced to go public' about health condition (2025)

New Delhi,UPDATED: Mar 15, 2024 19:21 IST

Samantha Ruth Prabhu is a force to reckon with. At the India Today Conclave 2024, the actor spoke about carving her own path in the Indian film industry, battling Myositis, her successful career and the struggles that come with it. She was a part of a session called 'Splendid Miss Samantha: From Pushpa to The Family Man, Carving Her Own Niche'.

Excerpts from the conversation:

SAMANTHA ON 14 YEARS IN CINEMA

It took me 14 years to be on this stage. 14 years feels like a very long time. Sometimes, when you do things you love, 14 years fly by. I don't remember that girl - she was a scared little puppy ready to please everyone. I operated from the place of fear for a long time. My resources were limited. My fear of failure drove me for the longest time. I don't even know if I had operated from the place of love and I would be able to achieve what I did now.

It changed only recently. When I got sick, I realised that the fear was motivating me, but also destroying me. With life throwing this curveball at me, I thought, why me? After having gone through this ordeal for almost two years, I wouldn't have it any other way.

ON BATTLING AUTO-IMMUNE DISORDER

I was part of the hustle culture. You can't ever ask me to take a break. I'm doing about 10 things a day. I get five hours of sleep, and I'm productive. This was my attitude. I never gave my body and mind a break. 14 years, to be honest, were some of the unhappy years. I was suffering from impostor syndrome. I was scared that one day when I wake up, it would go away. During the biggest highs of my career, I couldn't enjoy them because of my syndrome.

I never attributed the successes to me and always attributed it to someone else. The feeling of 'I've arrived' is subjective. I have finally given myself the permission to be my authentic self. This is when I feel I've arrived.

ON GOING PUBLIC WITH MYOSITIS

I was forced to go public about my disorder. At that time, I had my female-centric film due for release. I was very sick back then. It was hard and I wasn't ready. There were all sorts of speculation going around and misinformation being spread. The producers needed me to promote it, otherwise, it (the film) would just die.

So, I agreed to do one interview. Obviously, I didn't look the same. I had high doses of medication to keep me stable. I was forced to. Given a choice, I wouldn't have come out and announced it.

I was called sympathy queen by the public. My journey as an actor, as a human being, I have evolved so much. Early on in my career, I was anxious and go up (online) looking for nasty articles and what was being written about me. The more people accused me of things, I started to almost question every question every thought of mine. They have forced me to become the person that I can be proud of.

When people are going through a lot of pain, they need a portal to project it. And social media is that portal I guess. I do really think that.

ON HER PERFORMANCE IN 'OO ANTAVA' AND 'FAMILY MAN'

The decision to do 'Oo Antava' from 'Pushpa' is similar to why I did 'Family Man'. The good side is that I didn't have to ask too many people. The decision of 'Oo Antava' came from the fact that I wanted to explore. I was never confident about my sexuality. I always thought I am not pretty and underconfident. It was a huge challenge, because sexy is not my thing.

How I have grown as an actor is I put myself in difficult circumstances and fight to overcome that. It's like I'm slaying these inner demons. Many questioned me that how can I land a punch while being so petite. And I'm like, I'll show you.

'Citadel' was the hardest for me as I shot it under the most gruelling circumstances. Now, I can say I'm very proud of myself.

When asked if she would do an 'item song' again, she said, 'No, it doesn't challenge me any more'.

"The lyrics of 'Oo Antava' weren't sexualising the woman. I made sure of it. I think we can move past judging about wanting to look good. We can do everything," she said.

She was also asked to pick between 'Oo Antava' and 'Family Man'. Samantha picked Raji, her character from 'Family Man'.

ON HER CHARACTER IN 'FAMILY MAN'

I felt very responsible to play Raji because it was loosely based on real incidents. I am very sorry if it hurt anyone. There were many instances where it hit home and got too real. If I am going to accept another role, it should give me this fulfilment.

ON TAKING A BREAK AND WAITING FOR 'THAT' ROLE

I accepted many roles - some of them were vapid. I was on every poster. Actresses have this thought that they can't take breaks because of the short shelf-life. Even here, while I sit down today, I will hold down until I get that one project. I have taken a one-year break. There's this fear and challenge that maybe I'm out of sight, out of mind. Maybe I am not relevant any more.

I have to beat this fear and just hold and wait for that miraculous role.I have to get past the fear of being old news. I will wait.